act one and one only
showing one night only
the moment that caught me off-guard was right after i stumbled out of the corner deli with a fresh pack of cigarettes, bellowing out that i was now ready to continue on this group’s merry holiday journey to the next bar. what was it about that instance? i had been frantic when i thought we has lost that one section of us but then i turned and was locked in place, i couldn’t move. you stood off to the side watching me make lassos around them all and drag them on to the next big thing and in this moment you lassoed me with blue eyes i could spot from twenty feet away, hiding in the shadow of the awning, maybe you saw the predator in me and knew i would be up to no good before long. but i caught you too, i know it, we knew each other, our eyes were open in the short distance and a flood of memories we never shared washed me towards you. you seemed frightened and intrigued as i approached, bringing you out, had you been watching my cowboy antics all night? i was drawn into you with a fierce and passionate determination and though you were terrified, you couldn’t help yourself. ice was broken to reveal that we did know each other, we had met though ones and zeroes and depressing exchanges about expense reports and health benefits then finally laughter over obscure literary passions shared two years past. it’s the way you slipped your arm around me, the way it felt so real and as though it belonged nowhere else besides resting on my hipbone that makes my eyes press closed long than they should. your arm doesn’t belong around me, that’s the problem, but the way i knew it was you behind me glancing your hands across my hips: i knew you and you knew me. you’re still terrified of me i think and the potential i carry around with me everyday, will anyone ever find out? not until my memoirs are published, my dear. then they’ll all know that for one night and one night only i was in love with you and you were happily trapped inside my pursuit but as much as i cornered you, it was really your blue eyes that captured me first. i swear to you, at one point i tried to stop, i did, i pulled that dangling red handle on the train that everyone eyes but no one dares. in the screeching silence of that moment inside my head there was no indication that i should not be moving forward with this breaking of promises made to self and others to commit that sin. i saw no signal ahead until i turned and caught you again, you who i know did not want to be staring at me but you just couldn’t help yourself. it seemed there was a connection, a line drawn between us and i pushed forward in crossing it. yes, i remember that you tried to stop it but i also remember how desperate you were to please me and i responded with my own desperate need to have you, knowing that i would never have you again and feeling eerie relief in that thought. needing to seize that moment that you were rubbing the shaved part of the back of my head, i was practically purring at your touch and i tried again to make myself get up and leave, i did, really, i did, i swear i did. but you tossed my bag aside and pulled me on top of you, there was no turning back after that, no return once you were reaching for places inside and out, real and imaginary that needed you this once in a lifetime. why did you want me to stay after we were finished? was it because you didn’t want to face the demons that the morning would bring alone? or were you in love with me for a night, too, not wanting to the morning to come and wake you from this, this thing we created? maybe both? there was no way that i could stay and sleep too soundly next to you and you knew that, because i knew you and you knew me.